Who's In Charge, Here?

Seven Signs That My Kid Is The Boss of Me

1) I adjust my schedule according to his every need. Think Anne Hathaway's character in "The Devil Wears Prada" - Ethan is my Meryl Streep. If he wants/needs/demands something, I hop to it. (What, you want lunch? But not your lunch - you want my lunch? Well, I was kind of hungry, but what's mine is yours! No, take it, please, I really shouldn't have more than a Diet Coke for a midday meal, anyway. After all, that baby weight isn't going to lose itself!)

2) Six out of the six CDs that my car's stereo changer can have loaded are of the kid's variety. Nursery songs, silly songs, songs that are impossible to get out of your head. (I could serenade you with seven different versions of "If You're Happy and You Know It." Some will end with jazz hands.)

3) I get paid in kisses and hugs, smiles and laughs. And smeared crackers all over my pants. And spilled juice boxes. And an army of soiled diapers... but mostly in kisses and hugs. (Seriously, though, babies are priceless. And broke, apparently. I keep checking the mail for my monthly mommy paycheck, but it never comes.)

4) The vast majority of the sentences I say out loud throughout the day are horribly gramatically incorrect. I have to fight the urge in conversations with adults to simplify my sentences to two or three word utterances. ("Ethan want up? Mama help? Good asking!" can quickly turn into "Ryan hungry? Sarah make meal? Good eating!")

5) Instead of movie theaters, restaurants, and bars, a hot date now consists of trips to the park, Babies R Us, or a kid's play place. Our darling little one is a perpetual third wheel. (Feel free to read this and feel compelled to offer to babysit. Really, feel free!)

6) I have so many job responsibilities, I bring my work home with me. I also bring my work to the grocery store with me, to the post office with me, and sometimes to the bathroom with me. (Labor laws flew out the window the second I went into labor - there's no mandatory 15 minute break and 30 minute lunch in this household!)

7) While watching an episode of "The Wiggles" - not that I let my toddler watch TV, of course - I have been known to exclaim aloud, "Oh, I love this song!" when the fab four start to sing a particular tune. (I'm partial to the Captain Feathersword-related ditties "Captain's Magic Buttons" and "Blow Me Down.")

Though he's taken over my life, he's completely captured my heart, and I wouldn't have it any other way! I'd elaborate on all of the mushy gushy stuff, but I think I hear my boss calling me now. Can't be late - he'll make me pay if I dawdle!