Thanks a Lot, Pregnancy Expert.

My weekly pregnancy update email contained exercise safety tips today. Amongst a list of obvious others, the following movements were banned: "deep-knee bends, jumping, bouncing, or herky-jerky dancing."

I have watched every single season of So You Think You Can Dance, and have never ever seen anyone choreograph a herky-jerky. I took dance classes for years, but never studied the herky-jerky style. What in the world is herky-jerky dancing?

herky–jerky (hûrkē-jûrkē) adj: Spasmodic, not smooth or graceful: marked by sudden movements or changes.

First of all, I may have moments when I lumber like a newborn giraffe while simply walking from point A to point B, but I'm quite graceful and not at all spasmodic when dancing, thankyouverymuch.

Second of all, are you serious, What to Expect When You're Expecting email update? Do you know what we breeder types tend to do after we've had a baby? Keep breeding! That means that there's a high degree of likelihood that when we're pregnant, it's not our first time at the rodeo. We probably have small children at home. Small bendy, jumpy, bouncy, dancing children at home.

Now, the last thing I want to do is to put my baby in any kind of risk. I am a strict pregnancy ban rule follower: no soft cheeses, no seafood, no alcohol or caffeine. No roller coasters, no hot tubs, no contact sports. No sky diving, no marathon running, no bungee jumping.

But no regular jumping, either? Really? And how do you expect anyone with an almost-three-year-old to get through the day without bending down to pick something up at least fifteen times? Should I, for the next couple of months, ignore the "bend with your knees, not with your back" rule, so as not to break the "no deep-knee bends" pregnancy rule?

This particular "helpful" pregnancy email was absolutely not helpful. Send me advice that bans cleaning bathrooms, or orders me to adopt an all frozen yogurt diet, or something that I can get behind. Because this little nugget of wisdom officially puts me in my first awkward position as the parent of two children, and forces me to choose who is more important: the adorable little firstborn who wants me to pretend to be Tigger and bounce around the house with him, or the unborn child who I haven't met yet, but already love. Old blood vs. New blood. Risk vs. Reward. Ethan vs. (insert yet-to-be-named baby's name here).

Not cool, Heidi Murkoff. Not cool.

Big Ol' Bald Spot

Ethan is definitely not an easy toddler. He was a breeze as a baby, but we're paying for it tenfold now that he's in the thick of his terrible twos. Here's his latest behavior: pulling out his own hair. He started this when we were on our trip to Washington, D.C., and would mainly pull out his hair during a tantrum. It makes sense - his schedule was off, he was away from his daddy for the first time, and he heard "no" way more than he wanted to during our flights. I only saw him do it a few times during our vacation, but it's really picked up now that we're back.

As soon as I noticed that his hair was thinning out, I called the pediatrician. She was not at all concerned, and let me know that it's very normal. I asked if there was anything I should be on the lookout for - warning signs that would let me know to bring him in to be checked out. She said that unless I see damage to his scalp (from scratching or picking) that there's no need to bring him in. It's a phase, and he'll grow out of it.

The hardest thing about this (other than looking at a GIANT patch of emptiness where his beautiful hair used to be) - he only pulls when he's in his crib. Where he quietly babbles. Or sleeps. But never screams. So what do I make of that? The behavior has now become a way for him to self-soothe. It's like sucking his thumb. He probably doesn't even realize that he's doing it. And since I can't catch him doing it, I can't address it. I've started documenting the damage on my camera phone, so that I can objectively compare over time to determine whether or not the spot is getting bigger. Today was photo #1.

Here's the bald spot:

Here's what we've tried:
- More calming routines at bedtime (bathing, rocking, singing, etc.)
- Tiring him out before we put him down so that he falls asleep quickly instead of crying or playing in his crib
- Keeping his schedule über-consistent (As opposed to our super INconsistent vacation schedule)
- Talking to him about his bald spot ("Owie! No pull - be gentle. *help Ethan softly pat his head* That's right, gentle. No pull, be gentle.")

Here's what we've got left to try:
- Shave his head

That's about it. I really can't think of anything else I can do that will be effective. I need to break the habit, and without being able to give him a replacement behavior for the hair pulling, I'm out of luck. Unless I take away his hair. No hair = no pulling. He'll be forced to kick his habit, cold turkey. By the time his hair grows back to pulling length, he should be over it. Hopefully.

With family visiting soon for Ryan's upcoming grad school graduation, we're holding off a bit longer before we pull out the clippers. That leaves enough time for all of you to share your brilliant ideas for how to solve this little problem of ours. Or to leave a supportive comment, encouraging me that all will be well.

Fix this, please - I'm dying over here!